December 2009
Stalked
finally called Bell to see if I could get them to block Sam/Yuck’s from contacting my phone, but apparently you can’t do that with cell phones. It’s only available for home phones. What the fuck? So if he won’t leave me alone I’m gonna have to change my number. What is wrong with this guy? I didn’t respond to him for over 6 weeks yet he still contacted me every...
Death of communication
he internet is a great thing, but I dislike how it’s caused so many people to talk big behind a computer screen but lack the social understanding to be the person they want to be when they’re face-to-face with someone. I’m so sick of people having the staunchest beliefs and being so determined, only for them to fade away in real life. It’s sad how instant messaging has...
Finances - woe is me
‘m really worried about money again. I don’t have anything left from what Dad gave me for grad because I put over $1000 into the car. (That’s why it fucking royally pisses me off that Dev just expects to get the car, even though he won’t even have to pay for gas.) I barely make enough money to cover the gas it takes to get home to go to work. I thought I was going to get...
Body health
hoo, I have to start exercising. I told myself that I wouldn’t take serious action unless I hit 160 pounds, and now I’m at it. I know that isn’t unhealthy for my height and most people would think I’m being ridiculous about it, but I decided awhile ago that if I hit 160 that meant I was gaining weight, and I needed to take preemptive actions. I’d been 140ish for the...
How do you shake a stalker?
uck! Sam/Yuck has gone back to texting me every day! Yesterday it was a Merry Christmas buddy (along with the unimaginable spelling and grammar mistakes), and everything else is just the same old, was up cady, except for the addition of, your loser boyfreand. I swear to God, if I end up crossing paths with him in real life again (which I’ve gotten pretty damn good at avoiding, if I do say so...
I am so angry I just want to collapse and bawl! I can’t though, because it feels fake and forced. I just give up. Whatever you want, take it.
Screw you
go to work and Sam goes off to shop with his family. No, they don’t want to wait for me to get off work. Well, whatever, I don’t want to shop on Boxing Day *shudder. I do want to be with Sam though. So Sam says he’ll come over afterwards, but lo and behold, he can’t. Surprise surprise. But hey, I can get in my car and drive on the scary roads and stay at his house where...
Rambling Again
lathering on and getting out my thoughts the other day was nice, but it had complications. So what do I do? Should I not ramble and rant about the things running through my head but instead go back and fix what I’ve changed my mind about, or should I allow myself to be uncensored and just prepare for the consequences? I struggle with blogging, because sometimes I want to be so brutally...
Temple of the body
fitness centre is opening in Merrickville! I’m so thrilled!! Sam and I can go down the street and work out now. I’m such a fucking lazy ass, so hopefully I’ll actually do it. My plan is to go once a weekend (wouldn’t that be nice) until school’s out, and if I’ve kept that up I’ll get a membership. I always tell myself that once I’m at Guelph and...
Squirmy insides
have a nagging feeling tugging at my insides, and I seriously dislike it. Sammy, I wish you could make it go away :( All your cute little mechanic fixings were silly and lovely, but it didn’t actually go away. *sigh.
[And I’m still worried about Kitsey’s lumpies.]
Scatterbrain'd
verybody’s driving me nuts. I’m so judging. *sigh. I get it from my mom, and I hate it. Add it to the work-on list… Fuck it’s getting long. Maybe I should write it down sometime (not).
.
.
like making New Year’s resolutions because I like self-improvement, but this year I seem to have hit a standstill. I don’t like making the same resolutions as last year...
Turmoil
feel kinda funny, as if there’s some sort of impending doom making its way towards me. You know when there’s something bad that you’re worried about and it seeps into your very core? That’s what I’m feeling. Except I’m not sure what is causing this… This actually happens a lot, and it really bothers me. My centre, right in the middle of my chest, feels...
1 tag
The one thing I'll never get for Christmas...
I can’t take care of one now anyway. Maybe when I’m at Guelph… :P
Sam wanted to go see Avatar in the theatre across the path at Tremblant, and I’m very glad we went. I was reluctant because it was $12, but it was so worth the extra money. My only regret is that I didn’t get to see it in 3D, because it was a small theatre. The movie was amazing though. It was the basic story where a guy fools other people so he can betray them and then changes his...
What is trauma exactly?
ednesday night’s car accident was actually probably traumatic to me, I became temporarily terrified of driving. I was having panic attacks while on the road (I was completely in control of my driving during them anyway) and even at home I was really scared. The only reason why I am not freaking out anymore is because I realized that if I was gonna drive a carful of almost-strangers to...
Respect virginity
o me, Kathleen listing Sam as her friend that’s a virgin is disrespectful. She is completely aware that he isn’t happily virgin but would rather have sex with the girl he’s been dating for two years, and he doesn’t want to be open about it. I don’t have sex because I choose it, because I don’t want to risk pregnancy. Unless I’m prepared for the possibility...
Disney stars
sincerely respect Zac Efron as an actor instead of despising him for his disgusting movies like I do all other Disney stars. He made his way slowly into real movies. His start was with High School Musical, and he made a slight shift over to Hairspray. Hairspray is appealing to more demographics, though. Somewhere along the way he was in a horse movie, which although is pretty sad shows his desire...
The conqueror
I cannot, and will not, let driving become this terrifying thing for me. I have to drive to Tremblant in a week and I can’t go about having panic attacks in Montreal with a car full of people, some practically strangers. But how do I get over this? The accident was so scary, when I close my eyes I see it and feel it again: the absolute lack of control, the wild spinning, the speed at which...
After the incident
‘m so scared. Driving is terrifying me. I had 3 panic attacks today when I was on the road. I’m so scared.
Same old, same old
y hair is in a limbo right now. Although maybe that’s just me, I seem to always be in limbo… Anyway. I’m not all that happy with it. Sure, I loved the new cut. But it’s getting boring. I don’t know what to do! I suppose I can dye it again a little bit, but I need something new. I should grow it out a little bit into a bob… I’m just really frustrated, I...
Road rage
o I actually dislike driving immensely. You have to buy the car, pay for insurance, put gas in the car… Then you have to pay to fix all the little parts that break and need tuning, and pay to fix the major things that happen every so often. Getting things repaired also takes time, too. You gotta bring the car to the shop then pick it up, or wait around until it’s done. On top of the...
The city of government (there has to be one)
don’t understand why everybody in my classes seems to hate Ottawa. They complain about the grouchy government commuters, but I don’t see that. I was running down Merivale for the bus and some guy pulled over and offered to bring me up to the bus stop. Now I’m not saying that wasn’t a little alarming and most certainly unnecessary, but if he wasn’t intending to kidnap...
Lack of sex drive
think I’m probably just more inclined to feel pressured and guilty instead of being asexual. I enjoy kissing and stuff, for the most part. I just don’t experience sex on the same level as most people, maybe. I am sexually satisfied very easily without orgasming. Although maybe I’m just trying to force it… I can enjoy sexual stuff from time to time, but I rarely want it....
I've never questioned my sexual orientation...
ver since Hilary mentioned the asexual thing, I’ve been curious. I feel like I don’t understand lust, and sex just plain confuses me. I don’t know how to masturbate, but I suppose I could probably figure it out if I tried really really hard… I’m just not interested, though. Sometimes I start to do things with Sam then back off because I feel pressured, even though I...